I�ve heard that sometimes life throws you a curveball. Well, the pitcher in charge of life didn�t throw me a curveball. It�s like I�m playing dodgeball with balls the size of hula hoops. I�m still not ready to tell the world of all my vulnerabilities yet.
I�m so furious right now. My mom just called me to bug me, yet again, about my health and to make sure that I�m going to work tomorrow. It�s not like I�m going to forget. It�s hard to believe, I know, but I am 23 years old, and I did make it so far on my own. I don�t get why she feels the need to remind me to do things that are, at this point in my life, second nature. I may not enjoy going to work every day so early, but I do it because I know that I have to.
I don�t know of anyone who has had it so lucky that he or she doesn�t have to work at all, even if he is only working in his head [hehehehe, I�m sorry, I couldn�t resist the dig at my ex]. I don�t know why she just can�t back off and let me live my life in peace.
The other reason I�m so frustrated with her is that she simply won�t listen to me. So far, EVERYONE I know has been very supportive of me, and my desire to simply not talk about what�s going on. In fact, I believe that most of the people that I know have permanently avoided the topic, and are waiting until I�m ready.
That�s the rational thing to do.
Anyway, she keeps trying to pry. And why is that? Will it make me feel better to rehash pain that I�m not ready to go through yet? Will she have the magic answer to my problems? By knowing, will it somehow help me?
No, I don�t think so at all. And I also think that most people know that to be true. I think that she�s trying to pry for her own benefit. I think that she just wants to know because the curiosity of something that she has no control over must just be burning her up inside.
Okay, that�s a mean thing to say. But I�ve already told her the answers to her questions, and she�s just not listening. It�s very upsetting because it feels like something that should be solely mine, my pain through this, she just won�t let me have.
I am an adult, goddamn it.
