"I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will."-Henry David Thoreau
Staring blankly at the computer screen, J could feel her superficial feelings of security start to evaporate. Things seemed to fall down all around her. The strength of her charm and her social-ness seemed to fade from her so quickly it was as if she was more than one person. She shivered, feeling suddenly alone and spacey. J looked around and finally at herself in the tiny compact mirror. She looked old and tired, almost ancient. The perkiness and beauty she projected were gone from her face. J pulled her knees up to her chest. She sighed, still slightly stung by her father-being�s brashness. Feeling the sensation to flee and fling herself into the arms of the other parent, she was overcome by hopelessness. J realized that her mother-being�s arms were close as well. She felt as though she had no one to turn to�at all. The realization of being alone made her her frightened. She could feel a civil war brewing inside of her. Feelings of anger, hurt, and rebellion flowed through her veins.
J�s deep side was angry with her social side for wanting to impress The Puzzler who had been playing games with her mind. Only her foolish social prominence could have fallen for the touch of his warm hand on her face, while his icy cold hand grabbed at her inner secrets greedily, trying to yank them out of her. After both hands had turned cold and he had started to completely ignore her, her foolish desired to be liked or even admired by everyone had continued to compel her to try to keep his nicer side�s attention. She flailed now in the strong wind, falling backwards and finally turning her back on that friendship. She was left in the cold with deepening wounds that she fought hard to ignore, but they tore open every time she thought of how he had the power to laugh at her.
J felt restrained from talking to her friends about what was wrong because of the distance that seemed to exist between them. She had heart, �I don�t know what to say,� and �I wish I knew what to do,� too many times to trust anyone but a close circle of people. Most of the time she could open up to D, The Sweetheart, but he needed her help now to keep from being swallowed up into his own darkness. R, The LifeFloater was drowning and battling with inner depression and misery so J knew that his attention would only be half-hearted. K, The Sorceress seemed too busy managing her life to even look up. J also felt and overwhelming feeling of guilt every time she laid eyes on The Sorceress. J felt like she did not deserve K�s attention because she had almost abandoned her along time ago to unsuccessfully find herself. Oniisan would listen, she told herself. However, she was afraid of becoming too dramatic for Oniisan, flashing back to two or three years ago. She shivered again. So instead of seeking someone out to help her, J braved her sea of sorrows alone, the water level rising with every fresh tear. This deep sadness seemed to penetrate her, paralyzing her from functioning. A tear fell down a flushed cheek. Its fate, like J�s, known for now only as solitary.
