I seriously just want to go over to my apartment and pull up a blanket on the couch and go to sleep. Maybe that�s what I�ll do tonight. Maybe I�ll go over there with whatever small items remain and run the dishwasher on my plates, glasses, and silverware. While that�s going on, maybe I�ll just turn on a light and read. I need to escape a lot of frustrations right now. I need to escape pretty much everything that I interact with in my life. I got my usual once-ever-couple-of-weeks-chest-pains yesterday. The unfortunate part was that with the exception of a couple of hours, I was in pain from 3:30 pm until I fell asleep around 11:30. I figured that today would be a new day and everything would be fine.
I guessed wrong.
I woke up this morning, feeling some kind of stabbing pain in my back every time that I took a breath in. My hands had gone numb and my body felt really heavy. I didn�t even question myself: I called into work and said that I�d be there in the afternoon, and that I�d make up my hours sometime this weekend. I wasn�t entirely sure if I should go to the doctor because I�ve never felt pain like that and it seemed rather serious, but I couldn�t figure out how I�d explain myself to the doctor.
�Hi, I have horrible stabbing pains in my back near where my kidneys are.�
I mean, it�s not like they can take that, look at my throat and ears, and pronounce that I have a kidney infection. I�ve experienced four years of diagnoses at Olin up at MSU. Medicine doesn�t quite work that way. In fact, I�ve had a kidney infection. I had it two years ago. I was in excruciating pain and I felt like something was actually pushing against my kidney. I could actually almost feel its roundness inside my body. It was a very uncomfortable feeling. It took Olin over a week [over a week!] to work me into their schedule and the woman had no clue what was wrong with me. She told me to eat more fiber.
Couple that in with the experiences I�ve had with the medical center that I currently go to. They�ve misdiagnosed my broken ankle, they�ve messed up blood tests, it took them a week to let me know that I had mono, etc. I see no need in giving those people my money for one of their non-English speaking doctors to tell me that I need to have bloodwork done and that I should come back in a week.
Instead, I figured that I�d go back to sleep, and hope that it was a muscle problem. I woke up around 11 am and showered to go back to work. The breathing problem had noticeably dissipated. However, I could still feel it, but it wasn�t enough to prevent me from going to work
I felt good when I got to work. I had a cheerful conversation with the people in my group. I got some lunch to eat at my desk. I was doing pretty good, actually.
Then, after only an hour and a half of being at work, my head started experiencing the same pains that my kidneys had been feeling earlier. Every time I breathed, a sharp stabbing pain hit me right above my eyes. It felt like a blanket had fallen over my vision. I felt that at any moment, I would fall down into sweet unconsciousness.
I still feel that way, in fact.
However, because of my little stunt this morning, I have to make up my hours. Most likely, I�ll do this on Sunday, because I have too much to do on Saturday. My mom, upon hearing this, went into a little tizzy about when we�re going to move my couch.
�I guess we�re not moving your couch on Sunday then.�
Okay, I can�t take this anymore. Why in the hell wouldn�t we be able to move the couch on Sunday? I�m going to have to make up 4-5 hours. I was under the impression that minus 8 hours to sleep, Sunday was 16 hours long. So where is the problem exactly? I don�t understand how it is that if someone is doing one thing, it becomes impossible for that individual to do something else either before or after the other thing.
I can�t handle the questions, queries, and the constant reasoning behind my motives. I do the things that I do because that�s what I want to do. I don�t know anything about what people �think� about why or how I do my actions, and I don�t care. I just want to be left alone. My independence is being strangled by all the constant questions.
I DON�T WANT TO BE BOTHERED WITH HOW OR WHY I�M DOING THINGS ANYMORE!
