Certain things have to make me wonder about life and the people in it. Last night I found myself at another overcrowded college party which had reached a new level of �sucky-ness� because the hosts felt it necessary to lock the door that lead to the rest of the house, including the bathrooms. I spent a large portion of our time at the party outside bumming cigarettes off of usually stupid college boys that could only stammer out the words, �Hey�.want some beer?� I�m not all that surprised by the experience, as it is typical of most party weekends around a college town. Sometimes you find a diamond in the rough, but most of the times you�re just SOL. Last night we traveled light with my ever-drunken, boisterously charming suitemate, a friend of hers, my loud but sweet neighbor, JG, and myself all stuffed into my neighbor�s escort. Though I think three of us were really feeling the liquor we managed to find the offending party on the list my suitemate acquires every week. After arriving and finding ourselves in a ten minute line just to get into the basement we immediately lost my suitemate who ditched her friend for many an ugly guy with mardi gras beads. After a few minutes of the loud music and little room, I found myself struggling to breathe as I headed back upstairs out in the cold to share a cigarette with the only guy who could form a sentence with two syllable words. After explaining to me that he wasn�t really the party type and that he should go, he, too, disappeared in the myriads of people leaving me to finish my smoke alone. My neighbor soon joined me and then JG also emerged. We were only missing my suitemate and her friend. My neighbor decided oh-so-callously grab my suitemate from whichever particular guy she was leaning on and to leave in search of a new party.
My suitemate was found and my neighbor had to escort her to the nearest tree to relieve herself (as we all had done that night). As we started to walk back to the heaven-sent escort, I noticed that we were missing my suitemate�s friend.
�Oh fuck him�� were her exact words, and I was quite thankful for them as I had no intention of going back into that growing mass of equally stupid and drunk people in search of the guy who was probably searching for my suitemate.
However, instead of driving around in search for a repeat experience, we decided to call it a night and order pizza. My neighbor, kindly, dropped off JG and my suitemate while I said that I would walk her back from whichever parking space she would fine. We talked a bit, but we couldn�t really delve deep enough into a subject that I feel that she needs to talk about�to someone.
Pizza ordered, we found ourselves all sitting in my room waiting for the pizza to arrive; talking about how stupid the party had been when the phone had rang. My suitemate found herself rather indisposed wrestling with JG so I picked it up.
�Hi this is *****, I�m waiting downstairs, will you sign me in?�
The shit hath hit the faneth.
My suitemate�s friend had caught on to our ruse and walked over to join us in our drunken revelry. I handed the phone to my suitemate who lost her smile and handed it back to me. I did the next best thing and handed it to JG who I hoped would handle the situation.
�Yeah, she�s passed out�no�.J�s going to bed so she can�t sign you in either. Me? I dunno�I don�t think it�s a very good idea�sorry man, I can�t help you.�
Again my suitemate repeated her calming words, �Oh fuck him.�
Shortly thereafter the phone rang we found ourselves in possession of a heavenly pizza with breadsticks and ranch sauce. Scarfing down the food, we barely found time to speak when others decided to join us.
I found myself the proud owner of four woodchuck ciders while my suitemate and the girl who had given them to me left to go add to their chemical dependencies. I was tempted to join, but JG reminded me that I had said earlier that I would not.
So I didn�t.
When they returned, they brought more guests to our drunken after-party soiree. We watched videos of older drunken times including the time we made up AC, the annoying guy who no longer lives down the hall, with my old makeup after he had thrown up in our bathroom.
Then RP, the Roommate, and her boyfriend arrived.
Oh killjoy�the pinnacle of miss morality had decided to grace our mutual residence with her presence.
�Is someone drinking in here?� she said with her usual condescending tone, complete with irony.
She was probably just mad that I hadn�t left her the room so that she could do whatever it is she does with him in the privacy of a dorm room.
Don�t ask me why, but they prefer the dorm room where I could possibly walk in on them to do their �business.�
After a few minutes of her gathering her overnight supplies, she left again, as she had done many a nights before and we were free to continue our drunken revelry without condescension.
My suitemate held my video camera in a shaky hand as she tried to get two guys to kiss on my couch and the rest of us watched on laughing and clinking our beer bottles together. Eventually, after a broken candle holder, everyone decided to leave me to my own devices. I casually strutted across the hall in my blue duck pajamas to see what JG was up to. I listened for awhile as he played songs on his guitar.
I had always been a fan of violins and pianos. I never expected a guitar to sound so ethereal. I sat peacefully listening to him play and sing until my yawns outnumbered the number of breaths that I was taking. I went to my room for what I *thought* was going to be the best sleep of my life.
About three hours later the phone rang. I tried to ignore it, but I was unaware of what time it actually was. Thinking it was possibly my mother, I stumbled toward the offending device.
�What?� I answered groggily.
�Hi, it�s RP, I can�t get into the building. I went to all the doors and they�re all locked�.�
Sure you did.
��.and the night receptionist isn�t here. Will you let me in?�
Fuckin A.
I trudged down the stairs and opened the door just as the night receptionist was coming back to his post.
�I�m sorry for waking you up.�
�Why the hell are you coming back at 5 am anyway?�
�It�s 6:30 and I thought that I was going to go to work but I didn�t feel well.�
Sure you did.
I went back to the couch, mumbling about how pissed off I was and nodded off again. I awoke around noon
I relived my story of being awakened to JG as he remarked that he had heard the phone ringing and had wondered who the **FUCK** would call at such an ungodly hour in the world of the college student.
He needed only three guesses, but I�m sure just one would have sufficed.
When I returned from lunch with the neighbor and JG, I was hardly shocked to find RP in bed, still. The hands of the clock stretched well into the afternoon before she decided not to ignore all the alarms that had gone off all morning. She sat up and climbed down from the loft, saying nothing to me, as usual when I decided that I�d had enough of her annoying habits.
�You came here at like 2 am to pick up your overnight stuff and went back to his place, knowing full well that he would be going to work by seven and that you�d have to be back here by 6:30. Are you completely incapable of sleeping in your own bed?�
�Well I thought that I would be going to work��
Sure you did. I mean, after all, there have been so many weekends now where you have actually gotten out of bed before the clock struck noon that I should kick myself for asking that.
�Well maybe if you just slept in your own bed instead of running off to his house to sleep over there for less than four hours, you wouldn�t sleep the whole afternoon away�� I said finishing the thought in my head with �and annoying me because I can�t do anything that I want to do out of courteousness to you.�
�Yeah probably,� her typical response, meaning, as usual she�s turned into an ostrich and that she�s going to hide her head in the sand until the big mean redheaded devil goes away.
�Doesn�t it bother you that you spend every single night with him? When was the last time you actually did something with someone other than him in which he was not present?� I said while thinking, �don�t you want to form any kind of friendship or relationship of any kind with anyone else?�
�Yes it bothers me, I kinda liked it better when he worked nights and I had them to myself,� she replied, her tone reaching that pitch that signaled she was about two minutes from �hide mode.�
I was not going to back down though, �Why don�t you�.I dunno�.not see him?�
I was reminded back to her ironic New Year�s Resolution that she was going to spend more time by herself or with other people so that she wouldn�t be quite so dependent on some other poor sap for her every happiness as well giving her time to fix her eminent problems. There was, of course, the other resolution that she would actually not hide from her problems and the other one about being more active. Oh, and we mustn�t forget the key resolution that she was going to follow through on things more.
I think I vaguely remember saying, �I�ll believe it when I see it.�
Tell me�what color is invisible?
For whatever reason, RP went into the shower, probably to think about how she was going to tell him about her newest encounter with the supremo bitch that she lives with. I just assumed that we wouldn�t speak again until a few days later when she decided she might pop into the mutual residence that she pays almost $5000 a year to live in. I was surprised to find out that she was actually not going to go to work today, probably because of the cold that she caught from everyone else around here.
I wish that I had been lucky enough to catch the evil bug when I had time to relax. Instead I found myself trekking through subzero temperatures and studying for days straight for the exam I was sure would decimate me.
Luckily I did well.
That leads me to this moment where I felt the need to type this all up. I guess there is a moral to the story.
When my suitemate and I were predrinking before leaving for the party last night she mentioned how she hated pretending to be stupid to impress guys. I have expressed this sentiment many times after being out in that hell known as �the college town society.� I realized that I had been judging a book by its cover. My suitemate, though she tries to hide it, is a lot like everyone else. She�s still searching for some kind of faith, she studies for her classes and does her homework, but most of all�she cares a lot about what other think of her. All of these times where it seems like she�s out with only one thing on her mind�..it�s possibly only an act that she feels that she needs to do to be like everyone else.
While I was walking back with my neighbor from her car, she was talking about a guy on our floor that she had three sexual encounters with which had all resulted in him treating her terribly. She�s admitted on several occasions that she thinks herself that she�s a slut and the �floor whore.� I asked her why she put up with and almost encouraged that kind of treatment from that guy in exchange for some petty physical experience. She said that she didn�t know but that it kinda made her feel cared about.
I told her that she should care about herself more because a lot of people like her simply for who she is. She thanked me but said that she probably needed help or drugs to fix herself.
That bothered me, but we didn�t find enough time to continue talking.
When I was listening to JG play his guitar, he mentioned that it was the �best $500� he had ever spent. It was kinda like his rock, something that calmed him down and helped him think. I realized that I have very few possessions that I truly appreciate and could not live without. And, of course, it sounded great to listen to.
Finally, we come to RP. I�m not exactly sure what the fundamental problem with her is concerning me. I think that it could possibly be that I just can�t live with other people. However, there are a few things about her that are key personality flaws that I just don�t like being near. Maybe I just can�t stand seeing her do what I used to do. I don�t like being around girls who need to have a boyfriend in their lives at all times. I�m not actually sure if she�s one of these people, but it seems from her track record that rather than deal with the baggage she had from a previous relationship, she�d rather jump into a new one and let the new guy carry the baggage and then some. I pity the guy that has to carry the baggage of four or five failed relationships. It also bothers me that this new guy became her entire life. I know she has a few core friends from back home, but all of her MSU relationships come from being attached to the guy. Her friends before used to be LL�s close knit group of friends. Now she talks about her new boyfriend�s roommates.
The weird thing is, I�m not sure why all of this bothers me.
The little things, such as sleeping all day every day when I�m back from class bother me because I�m not fee to do everything that I want to do in our room. She has told me that she�d give me more time alone by going to classes, and she�s been skipping a lot of class. Traipsing in at 6:30 in the morning every day annoys me because contrary to everyone�s beliefs, I can be awakened when someone is loudly walking around a room getting ready to climb right back into bed. When her and her boyfriend are playing my video games and saving on my video card, that bothers me because I didn�t pay a total of $85 for someone else to take advantage of the things I bought. It�s like when you have a magazine subscription and one of your friends reads it after you�re through with the magazine. How is that fair for you to shoulder the entire financial burden when someone else gets a free ride? I mean, I don�t care if people watch my DVD�s, play my video games, or read my magazines, but when they�re for example letting other people borrow my DVD�s without telling me, saving their video games on my video cards, and never contributing to the magazine pile that�s when it bothers me. It bothers me to be gossiped about. You know�all of those little annoying things that you have logical, real reasons for being pissed off about.
However for the other things�.such as her strange dependency on her boyfriend and how she is losing all friendships and possibilities of friendships because she�d rather be with one person every moment of her life, I�m not sure exactly what right I have to be so annoyed. After all, she�s only clashing with my opinions on what a normal, healthy life is supposed to be like, and I should have an open mind.
I�ve always had this problem though.
I guess I just need to let go sometimes.
That�s the hardest part, you know?
