I feel so out of it. I feel like things are passing me by very quickly and there�s nothing that I can do about it. Yes, of course I�m in a bad mood after the episode with my mother, but that�s not what�s bothering me.
The worst part is that I have absolutely no idea what�s bothering me.
It makes me wonder if I�m crazy. Why would anyone get so upset and depressed for no reason whatsoever? Why am I on the verge of crying right now? Why do I want to be left alone?
I�..it�s like I don�t want to talk about it, but I desire that someone would just know what�s wrong with me�.especially since I have no idea myself.
No sane person could feel this way for no reason, right?
This feeling always reminds me that I�ve never really been alone in life. I mean�not the kind of alone that people crave. I�ve never had my own place where I could put on some sweats and sit in front of the TV, make a mess, and do nothing all day�without feeling guilty that someone would disturb me. I�ve never had my own space to just languish in my utter unhappiness.
Why the hell am I so unhappy right now? Is it money? No. Is it loneliness? No. Is it fear?
Well�it could be fear. I�m not sure what I�m so afraid of though. Am I afraid of screwing up? Am I afraid of things going horribly wrong?
I have no answers. I just know that I�m literally terrified of facing tomorrow. There�s nothing going on tomorrow, but I�m still afraid of it. Tomorrow leads into the next day and the next day and the next day�
I just feel so out of place with the universe right now. Something isn�t right. Something doesn�t belong. It�s like I�m fighting against a path that I�m supposed to be on and I just feel so trapped by it.
I�m sure that this is another one of my bipolar moments, but the fear is crippling me. I want to wake up and have it be like�.five years from now. I�m so afraid of the uncertainty. I�m so afraid of making assumptions and finding that fate had another choice for me.
But yet�.even though I�ve had some major things happen to me lately, it�s not those that I fear. It�s something else that is brewing in me, some other kind of uncertainty�..
�.or it could be that I�m just freaking out to freak out. Maybe things are too good and I just can�t accept that.
Ugh�..!
I can�t think about this anymore! Where the hell is my comfort movie? It�s time for my all purpose, feel good DVD�.
