I actually wonder how different I am than I was two years ago. It seems like I�m a totally different person and I have to wonder if everyone changes in such a way that results in such a drastic difference of personality. Two years ago as I was getting ready for spring break, I was preparing myself to go to Mexico with D. I would be in my second semester at MSU in which I was the perfect little student. I didn�t have a real job yet and graduation seemed so far away. I had never taken a drink of liquor and I had no real desire to.
Now with my third college spring break, I�m preparing to be bored out of my mind back in the Heights. That�s the weird thing; I always knew that the Heights was a boring place to be, but I never thought that college would feel like a true home to me. Of course I miss my kitties, my parents and��other stuff, but it�s not the same as being up here. At �home� I feel out of place and find myself very bored. Granted, it�s only a week, but it�s a week that I get to spend at work (bored) and the rest of the week I get to spend sleepily watching TV or catching up on schoolwork until the next day starts. Instead of going to Mexico with D and his parents, I�m going to be working and possibly going to Chicago with P.
As bored as I�ll be, I think that I�ll be happier with option B. I definitely don�t want to be little miss Susie homemaker ever again. I honestly don�t find going on vacation with my boyfriend�s parents all that appealing, and I�m surprised now that I once did. Plus work is actually getting better with the more that I actually learn about my craft. I actually feel like I�m contributing now instead of sitting around waiting for my boss to assign me something else.
I�m also kind of glad that I�m not little miss perfection when it comes to school anymore. I wasn�t prepared to make mistakes and I swear that if I hadn�t gotten off that path I would have had an ulcer or burned out way to early. Of course I could improve my study skills and my grades, but I�ve accepted my position finally and I think it�s ok to be a little bit out of control.
In fact, I think that it was always a part of my personality that I denied. I like being mysterious at parties, I like being the sophisticated vixen. I never was very good at pulling off the whole �girl next door� thing and I�m not sure that I ever could.
However, I haven�t only spun out of control; I�ve actually pulled myself together a bit. I am definitely proud of how less dramatic I am and how much more focused I�ve become. As out of control as I get on the weekends, I have started doing my homework before the day its due and I�ve actually found myself using my palm pilot. Heh.
There will always be room to improve but it�s amazing how different I am from when I was two years ago. It�s not a lot of time, I know, but if I�ve changed that much in two years, how much am I going to change in ten?
I wonder if this is the same thing my mother went through.
That�s kind of scary.
