You know, I�m really freakin angry right now. But on a non-angry note, I got to see Smallville. Tom Welling�.ooh�.[drool]. It�s tough when you live in some kind of fantasy world to find someone who lives up to such expectations�heh.
Anyway, oh yeah�I�m pissed off.
Oh! On another note, classes have been pretty cool. I have one prof in one of my blow off 100 level classes who must have heard one too many a senior saying that his class wasn�t worth very much because he kept repeating how important it was to attend and whatnot. He also made the tests on Fridays�ouch. My engineering classes are pretty cool. Between the two of them, I have one exam.
That�s right, one exam.
One class has no exams, no lecture notes, no textbook�just lab assignments. The other class seems decent too. It�s finally nice to be out of that whole �test� line of thinking.
TC is looking really easy as well. I guess all of those years of hard work finally paid off.
Anyway, I�m mad.
I�ve made it abundantly clear to the people who know me that I�m definitely not in that whole �boyfriend� place right now. I�ve had my share of it and it�s definitely not for me right now. This is my last year of college and it�d be pointless to get involved with anyone as it was�who knows where I�ll be in a year? I also wanna enjoy myself now that I�m nice and legal for everything. Everyone who is close to me knows this.
�or so I thought�
The way things work with me is that I say things when I mean them. I�ll say, �I like you� or �You know what? Let�s give this whole thing a shot� if I meant that. Instead I have said, �I don�t want a boyfriend� and I�ve flirted.
Is this a bad thing? I�m not sure. To me, it�s not, because I always make my intentions really well known, and flirting has always been a part of my personality. Actually, it�s so much a part of my personality, that it�s part of the reason that I�m not into that whole boyfriend thing. I don�t see anything wrong with it.
Is it sending mixed signals?
Maybe it is, but my thing is�if someone knows what my intentions are ahead of time, I have not committed a crime. I believe that, fundamentally, all human beings are oblivious of everything and therefore need to be told things exactly so that no assumptions are ever made.
And no one can scare me away faster than by being clingy..
You know, I need that whole freedom thing�.again with this freedom montage�.
Anyway, I don�t appreciate it when someone expects something of me when I say that it�s not there. I�ve heard it all before. I�ve been told before that I could �change my mind�.
No, if I change my mind and regret it, oh well�that�s life.
I hate it when people don�t listen to me. When I say something is a certain way, it�s that way. If I change my mind, I say something. I know this seems like a weird amount of power for me to have, but I think life is just easier that way. If I miss my chance, then I guess I�ll live with it
Oy�I think I give up on this discussion. I�m tired of arguing, I�m tired of not being listened to. I�m tired of people making assumptions. I�m tired of people thinking they�re going to be the one who changes my mind.
This is my life dammit, let me live it.
