Disturbed is the name of the game folks. I�m really really disturbed.
I�m not going to go into explicit detail but last night I argued with my father for five hours about where he�s getting the money (and when) for my rent and stuff for next year. Of course he wouldn�t tell me because he doesn�t want my mother to know.
You know, because they hate each other.
Well the argument escalated so high that I was so unbelievably furious. I�m not even sure that I�ve reached levels of fury like that before. I don�t know who is lying to me and what�s even real anymore. My memory has gone to hell so badly that I can�t remember if what I think is real is a dream or what.
I�m in a really strange place right now.
In the midst of our argument among the many names my father called me and my family, he told me the disturbing news that my mother had had an abortion (he actually said several).
This couldn�t possibly be true right?
Well I just got off the phone with my mother and it is true.
See, what my mother did does not bother me so much as jar me inside. I�m not angry with her (I�m a pro-choice person). I�m actually more disturbed by the fact that my mother went through with a procedure and I wasn�t meant to be the only child in my parents� lives. With my new-found religious sense, I have to question whether or not my mother is going to hell. I know that doesn�t make any sense considering I am a pro-choice person, but my loophole is that I never plan on allowing that situation to fall upon me.
It�s really strange that to think that I could have had a sibling that was over ten years older than me. My life certainly would not have been the same, for my parents were in college when this happened. I came at a time in which they could afford to have a child, so my middle-class upbringing would have definitely not been the same or even existed if I�d had an older sibling.
Maybe I wouldn�t even exist.
I know that put in the same situation as my mother had been, I, too, would have probably made the same decision and frankly what happened 30 years ago (as I�ve learned in the past few weeks) is not my business.
It�s just really scary to think about your own mother going through a procedure like that in the 1970�s when Roe vs. Wade was first decided. It�s also strange to think that I could have been that fetus.
This does NOT change my outlook on abortion, but it certainly gives me a lot to think about.
My dad really should learn to keep his mouth shut about stuff that shouldn�t (and that I don�t want to) concern me.
