Oh my head hurts and I can�t seem to find that huge bottle of ibuprofin I have for my back. I have my first physiology test today. It�s multiple choice�a concept I haven�t lived in a year and a half. Since this class isn�t one that I care about all that much and all I need is a 2.0 to transfer the grade, am I worried?
Surprisingly�..yes.
I have barely studied for this test and it�s a lot of memorization. That�s the one thing that you don�t want to do with an easy memorization test: not memorize. I�m beginning to recall that some girl dropped the class on the first day because of the professor, so that doesn�t really calm my nerves any. However, my rule is that the first test is always the test that you give yourself the opportunity to screw up on. You don�t know the professor or how he tests, so you�re not exactly sure how to study.
Oh well. Since I rarely do much of anything at work anyway, I might as well study.
This weekend was essentially a bore, but it was a self-induced boring weekend. I�m not going to go into real detail, but I had a procedure done on Friday that was very uncomfortable and more painful than the doctor had let on. I basically needed the other two days to recover. Friday itself was just filled with me going in and out of consciousness on the chair in the living room; gotta love vicodin and muscle relaxers.
Ever since my snap decision to not let anything get in my way and really go for attending law school instead of wishing about it, I got to thinking�..
�.If given the opportunity, would I want to look ten years into the future? What would I want to know?
I thought about this for awhile and I decided that yes, I would want to look ten years in the future. I wouldn�t want to know anything specific because of how it might screw up my future by knowing it. But then of course, there is the idea that fate won�t allow me to screw it up�..
I�d want to know simply if I did go to law school or if I had some kind of job in engineering, and if I was happy with it. I�d also want to know if I was married and if I was happy with whomever I was married to.
It�s dangerous to know too much more in my opinion.
I�m the kind of person who likes surprises, so if I knew too much, it would take everything out of my struggle. It�s like seeing a historically based movie or reading the last page of a book when you�re not finished. You already know how it ends so the suspense buildup isn�t as intense. What if you knew how your life ended? My feeling is that you wouldn�t really enjoy everything that came along or pick up anything from the experiences that came along.
Then, of course, there is the other dangerous factor. If humans do indeed have control of their futures and knew their futures, would that influence their decisions? What if I looked into the future and saw that I married this perfect man who looked a certain way and I came back to the past and blew off anyone who didn�t look like him? I could miss the person I had seen in the future because of a difference in how he looked in the past and then end up losing him completely.
Of course, I don�t believe in complete free will of the soul, but there are other scenarios.
Say that I believe so intensely in fate that I see my future and see that it�s horrible. I would go back to the past with the impression that my future was terrible and there is no point in getting any joy out of life and therefore create my own future of misery. Or say that I�m completely wrong about the whole fate thing and because of my beliefs, I miss the choice that would change it all.
What if I look into the future and I�m not happy with it and struggle so hard to change it but fate does exist, and after all that struggle it�s still the same?
There are so many crazy factors to think about, worry about, care about that it would drive a person mad.
So after thinking about all of this would I still want to look ten years ahead?
Yeah, I�d still want those four questions answered: what do I do? Am I happy? Am I married? Am I happy?
Strangely enough, I can�t even suppress my own desires after thinking about all the consequences of that action. Actually, most of my future musings are about the golden rule. I really want to know if that �do unto others as you would have done to you� stuff really pays off, or if my elementary theories of karma are true.
Do all of those people who are mean to others really get what�s coming to them? Does being a good person pay off overall?
