I�m already tired and it�s only 6:45. Needless to say, I�m probably not going out tonight. I have way too much to do and today, with the crappy weather and all, seems like a good time for some nice alone time. I know, I know, I�m missing out on Homecoming festivities, but until people basically pounded it into my head, I had forgotten it was Homecoming.
I don�t see why it�s a big deal on both a high school and college level.
I mean, I understand why it was so exciting in high school, with that whole dressing up and going to a nice dance thing, but here at college�.I don�t get it.
It�s just another home game where the Spartans are mostly likely going to suck under the leadership of Bobby Williams.
Is it an excuse to party and get drunk?
Not really, especially not at the college where any day that ends in �day� is an excuse to party and get drunk.
Today, I�m not really interested anyway.
Anyway, I had an interview with Eaton today. I think I did well, as I always do, but I get the feeling something is off with my interview demeanor. Maybe that�s just my self-consciousness coming in, but I swear that my voice gets squeaky toward the end of the interview. Maybe that�s because my mouth goes dry sometime after I start explaining the GPS project I have been working on.
Anyway, I�ve noticed with an increasing number of interviews that a lot of these companies don�t want to hire within Michigan. Quite frankly, I don�t have a problem with that. It�s not that I wouldn�t miss people or anything, but in all honesty, I don�t want to be stuck in the auto industry.
I really do want to work in aerospace.
And more than likely, aerospace means moving out of the state.
This, of course, means that if I actually get what I want, I have a very limited time left in the state. I will come to the point of that statement in a minute or two.
I have realized that I�ve grown quite a bit in the past year and a half. I�m no longer dependent on that whole boyfriend scenario, and I�m not really looking for one either. I know who my friends are and I know who my friends definitely aren�t. I know my capabilities are with regards to school, and I no longer freak out about pleasing people.
I know where I want to be in the next five years, even if specific places still elude me.
But occasionally, there�s a slight dramatic snag in these plans. It�s usually nothing as big as I used to make high school out to be, but it�s still there. Sometimes, I�m not quite sure about what�s going on or what people know or think about me.
I used to make it a point to hide what I feel. Lately, you�d have to have a brick wall to not know what I was feeling. I�m painfully frank about what is going on inside my head, and I believe that to be a change for the better. I see no reason to hide. I don�t need for people to find me mysterious or whatever I was going for before.
Needless to say, I have found myself a bit off (not angered really, anger is an emotion that is too taxing) with regards to some people.
I think that I�ve made an effort to be less selfish and a better listener to what�s going on in people�s lives. At least, I hope I have.
Anyway, it just seems that what I thought was going on with some people actually wasn�t. It�s like this: I�ll be online, and I�ll make my usual rounds with the �hi, how are you?� stuff. I�ll find out that something is bothering someone and of course I�ll be concerned and ask what�s up.
And it just seems that the buck stops there and I�m shut down. I know that sometimes people don�t want to talk about what�s bothering them. I have been there. I know that sometimes people are embarrassed about what�s bothering them. I have been there. I know that people don�t want to relive the hurt by talking about what�s bothering them. I have been there.
But it really wears on me to get concerned about a person that shuts me out every single time something is wrong. It�s not that I�m angry that the person busted my curiosity, I�m more or less hurt that someone put a beacon out that said, �I�m upset� as if to get your attention. Then after catching your attention, the person throws you back as if teasing you.
It�s too much for me to get concerned about a person because basically the person says, �be concerned for me� and then be vilified with no answer.
I�m also (annoyed is too strong a word here)�..tired, I guess, of people who expect me to do all of the work. As an example, a friend of mine said something like, �I was expecting to hear from you all summer�� as if trying to make me feel guilty for not calling him.
Back up man. My phone number hasn�t changed. I haven�t gotten rid of my cell phone or changed the number as some people have. Phones do work both ways.
Anyway, I�m just venting.
I would like to smack those people that live above me, running around with lead feet.
The point, I guess, was that if someone wants to be my friend, that�s fine. If not, that�s fine too. But I don�t want to waste the time that I have left in the present playing games, being hurt, or being ignored because of this endless, unsure future I have.
I don�t want to look back on this, if I am living out of state, and say �damn, I really missed out on hanging out with people� because instead all that happened was that I was too busy being involved in some kind of conflict.
So, if you�re one of the readers of this who interacts with me on a real level, I have a not-so-subtle message for you: I may not be around here forever. If you wanna have a fun, rewarding friendship with me that I can look back on with happiness, then let�s not let anything stupid stand in the way.
On another note, I put on a pair of pants today that fell clean off of me.
Do you know what that means?
That means that I�ve lost weight! Wheeeeee!!!
I did happen to notice how nice my stomach is starting to shape up. Who knows? I may be ready for belly shirts by spring!
Ciao for now kids.
