I�m literally on the verge of a nervous breakdown�.I think. I�ve never had a nervous breakdown, so I�m not entirely sure. But I�m being pulled in like five different directions at once, so I think I�m going to freeze like a cheap computer.
I went into work today to catch up on stuff, but I made the mistake of calling my mother to see how things had been going with grandpa. I�ve been sick the past few days, and since he�s terminal, they don�t want anyone who is sick visiting him. You know, so they can�t give him anything his immune system can�t fight?
But it almost seems like with how much he�s degenerated, that would be a blessing.
My mother first tells me that Kmart is moving their headquarters to Atlanta.
No, not entirely Mom. They�re considering moving their headquarters to Atlanta or ANYWHERE that will be cheaper. But it�s not set in stone. Granholm is probably going to fight to keep them here, so it�s definitely not over.
Then when I mentioned that, she still couldn�t kick the doomsday attitude. Instead, �Even if they move locally, they�re going to cut half the work force, so I�m out.�
Why? Why would she assume that? I�m sure they�ll need secretaries wherever they go. All she�s basing this on is her attitude and rumors anyway. It�s like she ENJOYS being miserable.
Then we move on to my grandfather. Despite promising to keep me in the loop, she failed to mention to me that �they� [they meaning my grandmother and her] decided to move my grandfather to a nursing home. He�s been home for LESS THAN A WEEK. That�s total BS. After telling me this, she told me the HORROR stories of the nursing home that she toured. There were people walking around half clothes, suffering from dementia, screaming, �help me! Help me!�
1) Why would you put a loved on in an environment like that?
2) Assuming she�s exaggerating then, and it�s not really that bad, why would you paint that picture to someone who cares about someone who MIGHT be going into an environment like that? If you need to vent, you tell that to your friends, people who have no emotional ties to the person in question. You DON�T tell that to someone who is already sad about losing someone. You don�t torture people that way.
Plus, she also told me the intimate details of how painfully and horribly he is going to die. Seriously, you don�t TELL people who care about the person about stuff like that, not unless they ask�which I didn�t.
Then she bickered at me about some other random crap, to the point where I couldn�t concentrate anymore and had to leave work. I had gone in to catch up on work, but I couldn�t do anything after that.
I was doing a bit better after talking to a friend and venting, but then I made the mistake of calling my father. I mean, at this point, I was DESPERATE for someone sympathetic to talk to.
He proceeded to bitch at me for not coming over to see grandma when she was in town, and then complain about how she suffered during the hurricanes in Florida. Let�s see�.am I going to spend time mourning over the grandfather that was always very kind to me, treated me with respect, loved me, cared for me, and I spent more time with�..or am I going to drop all of that to go see the woman who made my life a complete and utter living hell.
I�m sorry, I don�t feel all that badly about not going to see her. I�m tired of explaining myself to people, and she�s never treated me well. In fact, I usually leave her presence in tears. I don�t feel like I owe her anything. She can bite me.
Then he said something really really weird.
He said, �I�m ambivalent about this because Leo [my grandfather] has done some really horrible things in life.�
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?
When I asked him to explain, he told me he didn�t want to talk about it.
I don�t know who to call right now. I can�t call B and keep bugging him while he�s with his family in Florida. I can�t call my one friend who is at work. Ditto for another friend, and I�m not even sure he�s completely aware of what�s been going on. I�m trying to restrain myself from talking to my mother because I think that she�ll only make things worse. I could call my one friend who is at State, but she�s not entirely up to date on the situation either, and it�s always much better to talk to her in person.
This is what I get for keeping people in the dark about everything that�s been going on. The people who do know what�s going on are busy, and those who don�t�..well it�s a lot of lay on a person all at once.
I need to do something though. This energy is going to make me explode.
