[sigh] Well I have very little to say, but I felt guilty about seeing that Shadoweloc � updated 6 days ago. Anyway�.on with the show. I hate Express (yeah, the store). I mean, of course I don�t hate the store because I doubt that I�ll ever stop buying clothes there, but if their clothes weren�t so darn cool, I�d seriously stop going. For example, my mother bought me a pair of jeans from there and since I liked the fit so well, she went to buy me another. However, I have a very odd size considering my legs are at least three feet long, so she relented and ordered them from their �warehouse� or whatever. Well, after sending them to her house and her, in turn, sending them to me, I went to put them on one morning. I noticed that they were a bit too small. I took them off and looked at the size. Now, this is where Express always fails. The size said that they were correct, but the fit was obviously proving otherwise.
Now, I know that you could be thinking, �Hey, maybe you just gained weight and your fat ass won�t fit into that particular size.� And I would have a tendency to agree, but I spent the previous few days wearing the size that I ordered and they fit just fine. Also, I seem to have this problem with Express like ALL THE DAMN TIME. Every time I buy two pairs of pants there, one of them is almost always mislabeled. Apparently, I�m not the only one who has this problem.
So after assessing the situation, I ventured over to Express with the receipt of the jeans that I bought in the store, but NOT the receipt of the jeans that were ordered (the ones that I was returning) because my mother had that receipt. I didn�t think it would be a problem honestly, the jeans were supposedly the same size, same cut, same color so I was thinking that I could just return the ordered jeans with the other receipt and ask them to send me a new pair (of the right size) but not charge me shipping since they made the mistake.
If only it could have gone so well�.
Well, I must have overestimated the intelligence of the average sorority girl/Express employee. I spent about ten minutes in line and when it was my turn, I explained the situation about the mislabeled jeans.
�Well do you have the receipt?� she asked like she was programmed.
�No, but I have **a** receipt for the same pair of jeans. All I�m asking is that you reorder the jeans and not charge me shipping.�
I seriously wondered what was going through that dyed platinum blonde hair. Did the hamster fall off? She stared off into space for a few minutes.
�But what you�re saying is, you don�t have the receipt for **these** jeans?�
�Does it really matter? It�s the same DCPI number�.same everything��
�Huh?� she asked. I swear I could picture her twirling her hair and snapping gum.
�Can you just call your �warehouse� place and reorder my jeans?�
�Do you have the number for customer service? Maybe they can help you; it�s on the receipt.�
�I just told you I don�t have the receipt.�
�You don�t have the receipt? Well I don�t think we can do anything.�
�Can you just call for me? I�m pretty sure that you have the number around here somewhere.�
Finally, after a few more minutes of trying to locate the missing hamster, she finally gave up on thinking and picked up the phone. She called their �headquarters� and explained the situation which I thought was going to be a success until she asked me if I wanted the new jeans shipped to the same address: my mother�s address.
�No, I need them shipped to a different address and a different name,� I said realizing that more than likely this was going to complicate things past the point of feasibility. I gave her my address and my name to which she said,
�You don�t have the same last name��
Congrats dumbass, you have entered the world where divorce and remarriage is prevalent, ie the **real world**.
I explained the situation as I have a million times but she just had to add her stupidity into the equation�
�But your first names aren�t very similar either��
I couldn�t believe that she actually said that. WTF relevance does that even have? I�m not going to even dignify that with some kind of rant.
Well, I showed her the envelope of the letter my mother sent me and surprisingly she took that as evidence that we were related. I was promised that no shipping charges would be incurred and we could move on to the next transaction�
�returning the other pair of jeans�.
Well this one didn�t fare so well.
My mom paid for the jeans on her credit card and apparently, at Express, you can�t return anything without the card or the credit card number.
�Why don�t you just have your mom send you the other receipt?� she asked me.
�Well they were both paid for with the same credit card, so that still doesn�t solve the problem.�
She explained the problem to a coworker. Her coworker interjected with, �Have your mom send you the other receipt and then that will work.�
�No, you don�t understand (moron), the jeans were paid for with the same credit card and I still won�t have the card so it won�t make a difference.�
�But the other receipt is for these jeans right?�
�Yes��
�Well, then we need that one��
�But you aren�t listening (you dumbass), even if I have the other receipt, my **mother** paid for that transaction (say it with me �tranz-ack-shun�) with the same credit card so even if I had that receipt, I won�t have the credit card, and we�ll be in this same situation.�
�Well, I guess we could return the jeans on this receipt, but we�re really not supposed to�� she said.
If I hadn�t told her that the jeans that I was returning came from a different receipt, she wouldn�t know so wtf was she even talking about.
�Yes, I get that�.**BUT** I still do not have the credit card or its number�can I just call my mom and ask her for it?�
I was, for sure, thinking that this would be denied as it is a huge security thing because my mother is not in person to verify that she is the actual owner of the credit card, but I think that they were so sick of dealing with me that they just gave in.
�Ok�I guess, but we�ll NEED to talk to her,� the girl said, trying to exert either some kind of intellect or authority, either one I immediately blew off and picked up my phone.
I was almost sure that this hellhole would be over in a matter of minutes, but my mother decided not to be home at that moment so I had to take my jeans, receipt, and leave.
It�s no wonder that I later went blind (yes, I mean completely blind) at P, the Conqueror�s, apartment. The gist of the story is, when I was going to get my car to go to the mall I slipped and fell while on my new rollerblades because I haven�t mastered the brake on them. In the process, I must have hit my head on the curb and not remembered it because I found out later that I had a concussion.
Moral of the story: do not rollerblade anywhere near streets if you don�t know how to stop. Also, when you�re suffering from a concussion try to avoid stupid people as they will cause blindness from your frustrated dealings with them. Oh�also�shopping does not make an electromagnetics test grade get any higher. Heh. One last thing, of course, avoid dealing with Express employees and always, I mean ALWAYS, try on your clothes before leaving the store to make sure that they are labeled properly.
Have a nice day peoples.
