Tomorrow is D-Day folks and thus begins the non-sleeping. Would you like to know the exact feeling I have right now?
Sure ya do, otherwise you wouldn�t be reading.
I�ve already had two cups of coffee right as I got up. I ate crappy food, already feeling the pangs of not being hungry. My stomach is upset either from the coffee, the food, or the stress. The fear is only edging at my toes right now, it hasn�t really engulfed me yet. My heart hasn�t started the pounding yet, but that�s because it�s only 2:30. Once dark hits, I�ll start to become paranoid, upset, and then I will start the inevitable questioning of life.
Why am I doing this?
Why isn�t anyone else this upset?
Why do I have to do so well?
Why is it up to this one test to determine my grades?
Whether or not these thoughts are irrational, it doesn�t matter. It always ends up that way. Really? Why am I questioning my grades and worry about one test per class? After all my record of grades in on class is 29/32 (first exam), 29/32 (second exam), 20/32 (third exam), 15/16 (numerical problem), 12/12 (presentation), and 12/12 (paper). The lab practical and the fourth test have yet to be determined.
You know why I�m pissed off and upset? There�s no curve in that class. That means there is NO chance at all of getting a 4.0 now because of that fuckin 3rd test. The highest grade I can get is an 89% which is a 3.5. Pisses me off.
My logic is, if one test can knock my grade down a half point, another test can do the same no? Alas begins the stress.
Final number 2:
In this class I have a 69% which is about in the middle of the 3.0 range. In fact, the range of 3.0 stretches from 57% to 77% so I have a nice buffer between the two grades. Theoretically, I only have to do average on the exam to keep my 3.0. Why am I worried? I know absolutely nothing in that class and when we took the midterm the bastard tricked us by deviating from the previous years� exams. My main way of studying had been flawed: the pattern changed.
Final number 3:
This class is kinda my �blow off� class. I got an 88% on the first exam, a 98.5% on the second exam, and I (think) my lab grade is in the high 80�s. Actually, let me go figure it out�.89%. I guess my lab TA is going to normalize it which I think means that I may end up with a higher score. My presentation and paper grades were (I think) 20/20 and 20/20. I have no idea what my homework grade is. Why am I worried about this? I will be going into this exam with like next to nothing when it comes to sleep and will have devoted very little time to actually studying.
Alas, nothing can relieve my stress because these are all valid worried, right?
So, as the night wears on and I become increasingly less confident and get very little sleep, the approaching exams will feel to me like slowly going up a very steep roller coaster.
Clink clink clink clink
So slow that you feel like biting your nails and crying out, �Why am I here?! Could I have studied more and done better on everything else in order to make this final hill less steep?�
Granted, I love roller coasters so it�s not exactly the best analogy.
There�s always the guillotine analogy.
It�s like the day before your execution.
You know that you�re going to die and you know that it just isn�t right and there�s no actual way to prepare for it. And then when you have your pencil in your shaky hand waiting for the prof to say �begin� it�s equivalent to having your head strapped in that hole and waiting for them to release the blade that will sever your head from its flailing body. The last image you see is all the people gathered to see you die, or in my case all of the homework I should have learned better instead of joining the Engineering Slackers Network.
Ok, enough, I should be studying here.
