~You�re my distance, destination of choice. I�d give anything just to hear your voice�~ She sat pensively, worried about whether or not everything would be finished when it was time for her to leave. It was a combination of worry and anxiousness. She longed for the time to come, but at the same time she feared it. The song was stuck in her head as she bit her thumbnail while examining the problem before her.
She was ready to give up, she no longer wanted to finish the task, but she feared failing. She feared letting down the boss that she hated.
~I coulda passed you on the street without saying a word. Most times, I miss the voice that goes unheard��
She desperately wanted all of the pressures to disappear. She didn�t want to worry about her job anymore. She didn�t want to worry about her final either. She didn�t want to be paralyzed by the fears of not having enough money. Everyone else seemed to do fine making less money that her.
Why couldn�t she convince herself that it was all going to be okay?
She also worried about what the year had in store for her. Was this her year? She was coming to the edge of the only world she had ever known. Soon, she�d be venturing off into unknown waters; could she stay afloat?
~What if I missed you? You got caught in the sun�What if I did some things never to be undone?~
She also felt a bit of pain about leaving this place. It was the only �office job� that she�d ever worked and she wasn�t sure if she would be given the carrot that she�d worked so hard for. Sure, she�d been given a virtual guarantee of hiring by the more encouraging office, but what if more terrorists attacked? What if consumers never regained confidence in CEOs who cooked their books? What about all of these outside factors that she couldn�t control?
~People everywhere, how could I be sure if it�s you that I have been looking for? What would it take for me to be comfortable with you? With me? You�re the chosen one.~
She couldn�t help but worry about her future; she had inherited it from her mother. She hated the constant self doubt. Every morsel of confidence she had quickly dissipated whenever her mother was around to talk to her. It was as if her own mother lived, breathed, and ate failure. She didn�t want to believe, but she had no choice. Nothing is sure.
Should she try and finish the project that she�d been working on? Should she just give up and try to enjoy herself on her last day?
~What if I missed you? You got caught in the sun�..What if I did some things never to be undone?~
She knew that she would definitely need the money at Christmas by coming back to work. Would B remember that she hadn�t completed the task he asked of her? Why did things have to be so complicated? The song felt oddly soothing as it played through her mind, but it, too, reminded her of other things she had hidden back in the depths.
~You are there for me, this I hope and pray. Will you wait for me? Will I be too late.~
She was so scared and she hated feeling so trapped by everything. The town had trapped her into its confining walls of conformity. She needed to work. She needed to do her best. She needed the money.
But what she wanted was so different�
~What if I missed you? You got caught in the sun�.What if I did some things never to be undone? Would you wait for me? Will I be too late this time?~
Would all of this worry and stress be for nothing? Could she really believe that everything just worked out? What if she�d missed Fate�s opportunities? What if she�d missed everything that she�d hoped for only moments before?
~You are there for me, this I hope and pray�~
She hoped that she had the strength within herself to let go.
The hardest part is letting go.
