I would much rather be sleeping right now. Work seems to have lost its draw since B, the Boss took of for vacation. Well, don�t misunderstand me, it�s not that I miss him. It�s more or less that I feel no consequences if I don�t show up. Of course, I haven�t skipped out yet, simply because I want my next two paychecks to be in full, but the idea is more appealing than it once was.
I don�t have to worry about getting in trouble or missing a deadline.
We had presentations yesterday and they went really well, I think. The kid from the Dearborn office had some interesting work, work that almost made me envious.
That is, until he asked me, �So are you going into your first year at MSU?�
Yeah, kid, my first year�..as a senior�.
Now I know that I may or may not look much age, but I knowthat I don�t look 18. Every year, my friends and I can tell who are frosh and who aren�t. It�s not because they are holding up maps trying to get around campus. They just have this look about them. I�m not sure if it is innocence or stupidity�but there is this look.
Why am I here today?
Actually, the lack of stress kinda unnerves me. I�m wary of putting my guard down out of fear WW4 will happen. Every time that my life hits easy street, another part of my life goes straight to the ghetto.
In this case, it was my personal life.
I�m not going to get into the details of what happened with my parents, but I think that I�ve come to the conclusion that my feelings toward my father have shifted from extreme dislike to hatred. I�m not sure because there�s only a couple people on this earth that I have hatred for, one of whom is his mother. Maybe the hatred I have for her shifted to him? I dunno. I just know that I don�t think things are ever going to be resolved and I�m tired of allowing him to walk all over me.
Your child should not be number two or three in your life.
His mother can have him.
I�ve had a number of other veritable crises going on in my personal life. Most of which, I�d care not to discuss. The results of most of these have left me unsure about what I want, or maybe even more sure that I need time to keep my life stable.
On another note regarding this subject�.
I�ve started to really really dislike P, the Conqueror as a person. I find him inconsiderate, self-centered, and shallow. I also think its pretty pathetic, not envious, that he�s 23, graduated from college, and he doesn�t work. I know that he has this �business� thing, but he barely puts in to it.
Strangely enough, he has the exact same thing to say about me (the inconsiderate, self-centered, shallow part). However, I just consider that pointless prattling. Well, I decided to block him one day, but then unblocked him to ask if he�d talked to that lawyer that I recommended for his speeding tickets. Then he decided to tell me that he�d met someone new and had been spending a lot of time with her.
�Oh, ok, what�s her name.�
He told me, then asked, �Why? Does this bother you?�
Of course, I said no.
In truth though, it doesn�t really bother me. If this were say like a month ago, yeah it probably would have. But since like�.early July, every time I�ve talked to P, it�s been an argument of some kind, so I�ve just kinda stopped. He has too, obviously. I�m not sure if I can even remember the sweet P that I loved because it feels like it�s been so long. I guess what hurts about that situation is that we can�t even really talk to each other as friends.
Even if P has those �bad� qualities that I mentioned above, he still has a lot of interesting things to talk about.
I don�t know if he became more of a jerk or if it was me who finally noticed it. I�m thinking that it was me, and I kinda think that the Heights had something to do with it. It�s like the Heights has this negativity shield all around it. It traps all of this negative energy so everyone in this town is miserable and unhappy. It would most certainly explain why so many kids around here can�t stand their parents. It would also explain why so many of us have wanted to get the hell out of this town the moment that we stepped back in.
Well anyway, being trapped in all of this negative energy makes me put up with very little from anyone. Hence, the fights with my parents and essentially the reason that I don�t put up with P�s insolence anymore.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
