Why why why am I so tired? It�s not that I�m inactive. It�s not that I�m not getting enough sleep. It�s not that I�m eating badly [well, except for today]. I don�t understand why this veil of sleepiness hits me at about 11 pm every single day. Do I go to sleep though? No, usually never.
I feel so blah right now. I�ve noticed that the conversation that I have with just about anyone [who is not really close to me] is about fitness and losing weight. I just talked a bit with JD, the Musician, about kickboxing, dieting, and the gym. I did the same thing last week when I ran into someone that lived on my floor last year.
It�s not just me either. Most everyone I know has that as a lead topic of conversation. It�s so weird to me though I was never so obsessed back in high school.
Heh, well, back in high school I was rail thin.
I would say that I miss those days, but back in high school I had no chest. I�d like to go back to about freshman year in college/early sophomore weight. And with the amount of time I spend focusing on fitness, I�m pretty sure I�ll end up there before graduation, heh.
You�d think I�d have a more valuable place to put all of my time, heh.
Every time I come home, I eat constantly. At my apartment I�m safe; I don�t buy junk food. It�s like my mother unintentionally wants to put ten pounds on me whilst I�m here for the weekend. Oh well, I�ll live.
I�m so tired.
I had a hard time focusing today. It didn�t help that I woke up about 15 minutes before the bus was coming, which gave me exactly enough time to grab my coffee, wash my face, put on clothes and go. During class I did exceptionally well on the crossword, so I barely paid attention. But hey, at least I went.
In religion class today, I swear that the prof kept saying �Gay Man-imals� when, in actuality, he was saying �game animals� in reference to this African tribe of healers that we�re studying. That just seems to be another example of how dumb-ified I�m getting lately.
I was discussing with JG the other day when he was having a few problems about how I had very little passion left in me. He, on the other hand, was quite the opposite at the time, as he was writhing in emotional agony. I�ve definitely been there. Anyway, I mentioned that I was so neutral about everything that it was pretty scary how sociopathic I seemed. I mean, I have no guy to be passionate about [which, after my last escapade with such a debacle, proves to be a good thing]. I have no career to be passionate about [which, I�m hoping will change relatively soon]. I don�t have much of anything to get me excited.
And I miss that. I miss having something to lift my spirits. I�d definitely take the downs, just as long as I could get any kind of �up�. I feel so middle-class, so middle-grounded, so plain.
That�s not part of my typical personality.
I was also thinking about how �old� I�ve been acting as of late. I�ve been spending an inordinate amount of time cooking and cleaning, planning dinner parties and being responsible. What happened to the drunk as a skunk, waterslide, fire extinguished girl that was out and about just a few months ago? Why aren�t I partying up a storm this last few months?
Why am I so tame?
Fuck, I�m tired.
It�s not even midnight yet, I can�t go to sleep. I�m not that old.
Oh, but I�m so tired.
Before I forget, please [but only if you like good, soulful music] get a listen at John Mayer�s rerelease of his first album Inside Wants Out. It�s unbelievable and paced so nicely. It�s none of that R&B crap that plays on the radio as of late, but I�m sure you know that from his first single �No Such Thing�. Anyway, he reminds me of Jonny Lang. Good stuff.
Ok, I�m too tired, blah.
