I wonder if there�s something about mothers that make them inherently controlling�.or is it just my luck that I run into a lot of similarly minded mothers? I guess you could say that I�m confused. I tell myself repeatedly that when I am a mother, I won�t try and invade parts of my child in which I�m not welcome. I realize that they often are only want the best for their children. I also think that it must be incredibly hard to make decisions for a person for eighteen years, then suddenly say, �Okay, it�s up to you now.�
I realize that that may be the problem. You think that since you spent so long taking care of someone, that you always know the best thing for them, even if you�re not listening to what they say. I guess it�s hard for parents to see their children as individuals. I�m not entirely sure though. I have nothing to compare it too. I let Bandit and Kato roam freely and try to let them be as independent as possible, but they also don�t talk to me.
At least�..not yet�.hehehehe.
Anyway, I�m so unbelievably frustrated. I had to go to the doctor�s office yesterday to review some tests that I had done. My mother called me twice before I had even left to ask me what the doctor said. I told her that I hadn�t even gone yet, and that she needed to trust me that I was going to call her and tell her.
Why doesn�t she trust me to do that? It upsets me because it makes me feel like, yet again, I�m that powerless little child that�s not capable of making my own decisions. People have told me to tell her this, and I�ve tried. She just simply won�t listen. When I say it, gently, angrily, any way, she just says, �I�m just trying to help!�
But�..you�re not helping�.you�re making me feel worse. If I say that, she accuses me of being �huffy�.
A recent���bad thing� has happened to me. I don�t think that I�m ready to tell it to the world yet, so we�ll just say that it�s a �bad thing�. Two days after �it� happened, my mother grilled me on why and how I was handling it. She didn�t like the way that I was doing it, and was almost belligerent in asking me. In a time where I needed, at the very least, a kind tone of voice, she wouldn�t give it. Instead, she berated me, raised her voice, and acted angry toward me.
That�s not fair to me. I�m trying to heal and I need a bit of patience. It�s so frustrating to me. It�s not simply in my head that in stressful times, she�s very unsupportive, and it�s very upsetting.
